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RaMblingS · of · a · MadmAn


moving through life, glancing at the statues that once used to be people.

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* * *
i hate

living this half
empty life
smell of the new
buildings
books,
to dive into a
chamber
deprived of all
abandoned by all
perhaps i would be happy
i do not desire that
no.better.
id hate that.

neon lights
fast cars
my blue bubble becomes torn
all the books on my shelf
remind me of a past long forgotten

cigarette after cigarette
and i'm still here
now
sleep
dreams of insanity, dreams of death
real world is catching me,
sleep is a restless fight
perhaps some alcohol could
perhaps.

--------------------------------
"Willard: [voiceover] Saigon... shit; I'm still only in Saigon.... Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in the jungle. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said "yes" to a divorce. When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the jungle. I'm here a week now... waiting for a mission.... getting softer; every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker, and every minute Charlie squats in the bush, he gets stronger. Each time I looked around, the walls moved in a little tighter. "
Apocalypse Now
Soul Mood:
aggravated
Sensory overload:
Air...Dark.Messages
* * *
wanting to express
my desires become
insane
and the dark water beneath
my eyes
starts to flow
pick up

the knife
pickuppickup
the tip
my skin
my arm
a drop of blood
the world seems such a pretty place

a fractal memory drips through the wound
letters fly in the air
to catch a bird in its dawn
to sleep with a muse from the past

i cant swallow
like a needle in my throat, declining the one
purpose i can find for my self

----------------------------
"Anyone who cannot come to terms with his life while he is alive needs one hand to ward off a little his despair over his fate... but with his other hand he can note down what he sees among the ruins. "
F.Kafka

Soul Mood:
weird
Sensory overload:
Godspeed.You!.Black.Emperor...Storm
* * *
3.03 am.

can't sleep.
somehow i'm not surprised. i look through my window

a pale shadow
an multicolored palette of lights
feels like dancing.

stillcantsleep.

i touch your hand.
i imagine you are not a human soul
too long.

i miss the touch of that one person.
she was a drifter...
but people change.

the city is deserted.
so many people, so many electric discharges, so many unwanted souls,
so many.

gotta stop.
gottasleep.

there was a movie i saw tonight. "Made in Britain".
a good movie, tim roths first acting role.

interesting thing about that movie is...
there are no emotions in it. well, there is one. hatred.
and i gaze upon those character, and i see.

its so easy to hate. that way, you can ignore all the pain, all the
decomposing
dying
rigor mortis
emotions,
and live a life with nothing but hatred.
i guess thats the easy way out.

gottasleep
Soul Mood:
frustrated
Sensory overload:
Mortiis...monolith
* * *
welcome strngr!

i will try.
i hate what i write, but i will try

just for trying sake.

the words
idle in my head

as soon as i utter them
somehow i kill them.

tombstone, the one thing
sometimes i wish there was a hell... i wish i was living one
that way i could feel

i will explode.
tonight. or tomorrow.

tonight i will look in the movie.ill try to find some sense in it.

------------------------------------
"Funny how secrets travel,
I'd start to believe if I were to bleed
Thin skies, the man chains his hands held high"
DBowie.im deranged.

Soul Mood:
lethargic
Sensory overload:
ORE...In.high.heels.through.nights.of.broken.glass
* * *
i sense a strong wind in the air
a monochromatic vision of future

someone said, the world is about to end.
perhaps, if i die, the world ends?
things ive seen, things i see.
the mirror through my window shows glimpses of reality

perhaps amore cannot stand living in this world.
perhaps it our fault. but what if one listens and does not want to hear.

a monochromatic vision of present overcomes my past.
suddenly there is a forest
and
with a click i'm free.

Soul Mood:
lethargic
Sensory overload:
ORE...mary.dances.in.the.shadow
* * *
* * *

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